Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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