Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
