went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
