i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
