i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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