i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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