Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
