I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
