the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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