first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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