I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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