I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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