Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize