I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
