plz talk dirty to me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
