why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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