My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
