I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
