She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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