im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize