Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just want to make out with him forever
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
