if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
