i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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