I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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