did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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