this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
