If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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