Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I need water and some morals
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
