Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
