Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
