I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
