I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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