Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
