just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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