you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
