Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize