Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
