Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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