Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
