well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he thought i was a dude.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
