From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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