the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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