My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
