She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
