I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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