girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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