You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize