Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
