My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
