I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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