I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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