1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize