dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
