Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
