By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
