My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
