Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
