I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
