So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
