Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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