watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
