I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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